Understanding Trauma and How it Impacts You

Trauma is a word used in many different contexts and often we don’t actually know quite what it means. It can be difficult sometimes to know if what we have experienced is traumatic and often I have seen individuals shy away from using the word for fear they are exaggerating their story.

So what makes up a traumatic experience?

Traumatic experiences are anything you have been through that has not been fully processed. This means that the memory, the physical sensation, or the emotions associated with this event or experience stay with you after the actual event has past. Many times this can cause distressing feelings and may impact our relationships, our trust, and our overall quality of life.

Trauma does not look the same for each person. Trauma can present itself so differently depending on the experience and sometimes my clients don’t even realize they have been through something traumatic until they are in the office.

 So how does trauma express itself?

Our mind body connection is so strong, and the impact of trauma is a perfect example of how they work together. When something traumatic happens our brain will activate to let us know that something is wrong and will go into survival mode to protect us. This activates parts of our body that needs to take action.

For example, when we get the alert that we are in danger from our fear center in our brain (the amygdala) our blood may rush from any nonessential function in that moment such as our digestive system and extremities and go to the essential organs where we need the energy to either fight, flight, freeze, or fawn. Our bodies do this to protect ourselves and survive whatever threat is approaching.

Often following a trauma our bodies will shake or need movement in order to discharge the traumatic energy. If you have been through a scary or distressing situation it’s an important tool to move your body afterwards. This lets your body recognize that the event is over and helps to release some of the stress your body has experienced.

Trauma does not always show up as a memory or a nightmare. It is actually very common not to have a memory of the event at all. This is because our memory center of the brain (the hippocampus) does not function well when it is flooded with stress hormones. We may completely disassociate during an event and our brain may take our memory completely offline to protect ourselves from reliving the moment.

When this happens the trauma may appear in our bodies. We may have body memory of a specific traumatic event such as experiencing sensations that bring up distressing emotions, experiencing pain in the body, having difficulty digesting, or experiencing health issues that become apparent after the traumatic event. Many sexual assault survivors for example (whether they remember the event or not) have a disconnect or difficulty when engaging in intimate acts such as not being able to be present, experiencing pain, fear, or lack of enjoyment.

If you are experiencing anything like this, you are not alone.

Trust typically gets shattered after a traumatic event and we may have difficulty feeling safe and secure when anything similar to our difficult experience approaches. This can impact our relationships deeply, can impact our confidence, and can get in the way of us trusting our own instincts and decisions. Trauma can make us feel lost, depressed, isolated, and anxious, among other symptoms.

Trauma can heal through relationships.

The good news is that we can connect in relationships with others and ourselves in a way that will process through these experiences and make them less painful and disruptive in our lives. It’s very difficult to process through these experiences on our own and many times it takes a relationship to assist us in this healing process. A corrective experience within a healthy and safe relationship can help to rebuild those strings of trust and can repair the belief systems built through our difficult experiences. This is why therapy can be such a powerful process to help us reclaim the life we once had, or step into the life that we want.

 If you are connecting to the symptoms of trauma as you read this and would like assistance in processing through your past experiences through the help of a therapist, please don’t hesitate to reach out. WildSense Therapy is always trauma informed and uses experiential and relational ways of working with you through even your toughest experiences.

Learn more about trauma informed care here.

Loving Yourself - Why it's so hard & ways to begin

Why is loving ourselves so hard?

I often find myself pondering this question. I have taken many years to study the conundrum of what makes loving ourselves the most important, and also the most difficult thing we can do in our lives.

The difficulty of truly loving ourselves seeps into our careers, our relationships, and our fundamental belief systems. It keeps us doubting ourselves and makes it difficult to invite in what we want in our lives. If you are experiencing this, you are far from alone.

Loving ourselves is not a destination that we arrive at after we have done all the things. It is a constant commitment we make to ourselves that involves awareness and daily practice. We all struggle with this sometimes, and the good news is that it is never too late to begin again.

 We all have a fundamental need for love and connection. This is what drives us and can be the difference between life and death in the early moments of our existence. When we don’t get the love we need as a child due to parental inconsistencies or traumatic experiences, we generally have a hard time believing in ourselves, feeling a sense of belonging, or even believing the world is a safe place to be. Self-love is largely impacted by self-talk which come from early experiences that build themselves into beliefs and get internalized, impacting the deepest aspects of our lives.

Can we actually change these thoughts when we have been through so much and have a chronic inner critic that makes us feel less than?

Absolutely! Through corrective experiences, self-awareness, commitment, and practice we can absolutely change the narrative of our minds.

Why is it such a struggle?

The truth is that 80% of our thoughts are negative! That’s a hell of a lot on the negative side. We need our own awareness to be a warning sign to alert us that something needs to change.

One of the ways to increase our awareness and combat these chronic negative thoughts is to pay attention to the words you say to yourself! Make notes and track your negative thoughts. You know when our cell phone reminds us how long we’ve been looking at the screen and it helps us be more mindful in the way we use our phones? It’s kind of like that. I would advise a client to keep a thought journal of each time a negative of self-deprecating thought came through and bring awareness to the thought patterns in your mind.

Remember, Your brain believes what you tell it! When we can trade in those negative thoughts for positive ones, it’s amazing what can change in our lives. Another tip is to outright stop the thoughts as they happen. By saying to yourself “stop thinking that” to break harsh talk cycle.

I find it is helpful to speak directly to our inner critic. Think of the inner critic as a someone knocking at the door. Invite them in for a cup of tea, and have some dialogue.

Use your compassionate voice as you speak to your inner critic. An example of this could look like “I hear you, I know you feel unsafe and are concerned, but what you are saying is hurtful. Could you step back and make some space for another voice to speak now?” If this voice does not give space ask it “what would you like me to know before you can step back?”

It’s important to remember that our inner critic has a purpose and that is primarily to protect us. We need to acknowledge what it is saying hear its message, and ask for some space. By imagining that this critic is knocking on our door with a message for us, it offers more space for us to engage in conversation and regain some perspective. All our inner parts including the critic need to feel heard and acknowledged before they can really calm.

Reframing our inner critical voice is also a good tool. By asking ourselves “What would a compassionate friend say to you right now?” or “what would I say to a child right now if I were worried about them?”, we can create a little separation from it by asking these questions.

Over time we learn from experience that acknowledging and hearing the message of our critics can reframe it from being a hateful message to a message of concern for our well-being. The harshness of the message softens over time as we continue to train it with the above techniques.

All of these techniques are just a start in building a compassionate space in our minds. Learning self compassion is a lifelong journey and a lot of times it is helpful to talk with a therapist or a healer when working through the tough critics in our minds. If you find yourself in the cycles of a critical narrative lately and need a little help working through it there is help out there. WildSense Therapy offers assistance in confronting the inner critic and working through self limiting beliefs. Reach out today.

Identify and Overcome Burnout

 Burnout is such a prevalent thing that often gets overlooked. We often feel the need to push through low motivation and hope it will pass, but usually there is more going on under the surface that needs to be addressed. Burnout is defined as a state of emotional, physical, and mental exhaustion caused by excessive and prolonged stress. It occurs when you feel overwhelmed, emotionally drained, and unable to meet constant demands.

 I think of burnout as a low grade depression that is contextual to the workplace/school/area of responsibility that is becoming too much. Often times this feeling will start to seep into our daily lives and diminish our motivation for activity, and social engagement as well (especially if over Zoom). You may find yourself mindlessly scrolling, binging Netflix, and feeling no desire to move at all.

I am noticing more and more as we stepped into this second year of pandemic that burnout is spreading like wildfire. The zoom fatigue, increased screen time, feeling of disconnection in the work we do is something that has significantly increased since March 2020. Left untreated burnout can lead to increased anxiety, health issues, and increased depressive symptoms.

How do you know you are experiencing burnout?

Common symptoms of burnout include:

• feeling fatigued or exhausted a lot of the time

• feeling disconnected in your work, not having interest in the things you had before

• feeling a lack of motivation

• feeling dread for going into work

• Feeling unappreciated in your work life

• Feeling sapped of energy even for doing things that you find fun

• Feeling easily overwhelmed

• A desire to disengage and just wanting to “phone it in”

• Feeling behind in your work and not knowing how to move forward

• You may even feel resentful of your job, coworkers, or projects that need to be done

• Feeling a sense of hopelessness or feeling your work has no purpose

• It feels eventually as if you have nothing more you can give.

It’s important to remember during this time, that burnout is usually a sign of a structural issue within the workplace/school system. Something in the way things are run is not sustainable.  You may not feel that you are receiving enough support, may feel a lack of clarity in your responsibilities, or may be working too many hours with not enough time off. This is a company issue that needs to be addressed. Identifying the problem is the start to creating this needed change on a personal and structural level within your workplace and routine.  

 How to Alleviate Burnout

There are many different approaches to managing burnout. However, the first thing is to acknowledge that what you are experiencing is burnout and stop judging yourself about it. You are not wrong or alone in feeling this. Also, remember this is temporary. It is a sign that things need to change.

Here are some strategies I recommend to my clients to help fight back against burnout:

• Take as many breaks as possible during the day at work. Stand up and walk away from the computer every hour I like to set a timer for myself on my phone to remind me to take a mental break. During your break do something that is completely separate from work. Take deep breaths. Stand up. Go outside.  Pet your dog. Have a really good snack. Even if your break is just a couple minutes, it can be a game changer if you are consistent.

• Spend some time outdoors. The therapeutic effects of nature have been proven to increase a sense of connection and reduce stress. Nature therapy can be a great way to replenish the loss of energy you have been experiencing.

• Eat well. Nourish yourself during the day. Have a proper lunch and do not eat at your desk!

• Exercise. Low motivation can be completely kickstarted by a daily exercise routine. Going for a walk, doing a yoga class, weight training, hiking or going on a run can increase motivation and overall good feelings in all areas of your life. If you can get a short workout in in the middle of your workday, even better.

• Meditate. I know it can be hard to begin a meditation practice, but it can make the biggest impact on your stress level. Try doing this for at least 5 minutes a day and notice how your perspective shifts over time.

• Take some time off. However much time you can feasibly take, now is the time to cash in that PTO. You need to recover and have a break.

• Connect with colleagues who are experiencing the same thing. This will help to build support and also help you to feel less alone in what you are experiencing. You may even be able to brainstorm ways to bring your concerns to the management team together to help make the work environment more sustainable.

• Find a creative outlet. Art, music, journaling, and physical expression can help to get out of the mind and back into your body to help process the built up stress.

• Ask for support. Remember when I said earlier that this is a structural issue with the company or school system? Burnout needs to be addressed at a higher level to prevent it from coming back. Asking for support and clarity from your boss, team, teacher, mentor or CEO and mentioning you have burnout can help to create lasting change in company culture. If you work for yourself and you notice this happening, this is a sign that you need to reevaluate your workload and the practices you have in place.

• Hire a mentor, or begin working a therapist to help in working through any fears getting in the way of you reaching out for support within the workplace. This can assist you in processing through self-limiting beliefs that hold you back.

Burnout is an all too common experience, Especially this year. Finding some self-compassion and receiving support is so necessary right now for getting back on your feet. I know it feels overwhelming right now, but you can get through this.  

If you need some additional support with burnout feel free to reach out to WildSense Therapy for a free consultation.

How To Get Through A Panic Attack

What is a panic attack?

Panic happens when life gets too overwhelming and we don’t have the ability to process the information that is happening around us. Often, it starts with a trigger which brings up sensations of something happening too fast, too much, and too soon. It can feel like the world is closing in, it’s hard to breathe, and your thoughts are racing so fast that you are afraid it will never stop. You may feel completely out of control. Maybe your heartbeat races and your hands are sweaty and shaky. Sometimes, you can’t even feel your feet on the floor anymore as your vision begins to feel black along the edges of your eyes. These are often symptoms of panic attacks.

Often because we are so in our heads during a panic attack we cannot comprehend rational thought. We have tunnel vision, we are scared, and we are overly emotional to the point that we feel it in the body.

How can I get over a panic attack?

Often it feels like you are dying when panic attacks come on and it’s very hard to convince yourself of safety. But there are things that can help. Some effective ways to bring us back into the present moment are using the body to ground us and to get into a calming position or environment.

We need a reminder to pull us back into the present moment and remind us that this feeling will pass. To remind us that we are strong enough to get through this. 

 What are some skills to cope during a panic attack?

These are some techniques that have worked for my clients in moments of panic. Panic attacks are scary and can feel life threatening at times. It’s hard to know how to pull yourself out of them, but it is possible.

Grounding

Put your bare feet on the floor, the earth, or even a bucket of cold water/cold stream. Let the sensations of grounding pull you back into reality.

Breath

Use the breath to bring you back and to slow the heartbeat. Count each breath on the inhale to 4 and exhale to a count of 6, do this until your heart beat slows and you can find a calming effect. Counting these breaths is crucial, it helps you stay focused.

Water Sensation

Hold onto an ice cube.

Splash cold water on your face. The cold sensations can bring you back  to the present moment.

Perspective Shift

If possible, recognize and tell yourself you are having a panic attack. Tell yourself it will pass, and you are okay. This can help you to realize you are not dying, and helps you to understand that this feeling is temporary.

Calming Sensation

Find a focus object or hold onto an object that is calming or has meaning to you. For example a crystal, a rock, a shell, or another object from nature. Notice all its details and feel the energy coming from this object as a way to narrow your focus and bring you back into the present.

Control The Setting

Limit sensory details. Go into a room with low light, close your eyes, get into a quiet space, curl yourself into a ball, and focus on only the breath.

Positive Thinking

Listen to affirmations in your own voice. Prepare for these moments by recording yourself saying affirming statements and talking yourself through this. Say things like, “you are okay”, “you are not dying”, “this feeling will pass”, “you are safe”, “breathe”.

Human Connection

Bring yourself close to a calming person or being. This could be a partner, close friend, or parent. Make sure this person is calm, feels safe, and will be a supportive figure during this time. Prep the person beforehand, by asking them to breathe with you while making eye contact and holding your hand. By meeting eyes with another and synchronizing breath (especially with longer exhales) you can co-regulate your nervous system by matching theirs.

If a person is not available, get near an animal if you have one. Curl up close and feel their energy to help calm you.

Progressive Muscle Relaxation

Progressive muscle relaxation focuses your energy and attention into one area of your body at a time, working through your whole self. Start at the feet. Squeeze your toes and feet together, hold for 10 seconds and release while breathing deeply, then move your way up the body through your legs, your abdomen, your hands, arms, back and shoulders, and face.

Visualize a Calming Space

Visualize a place that feels completely safe where you can be truly yourself. Mentally arrive there and take in every detail, engaging all your senses. Feel your feet in the sand at the beach, hear a crackling fire from a cozy mountain cabin, smell the sweet scent of wildflowers in your favorite meadow, or pines in a forest. Imagine yourself in this calming space, and allow your breath and heartbeat to slow.

If you need a little help getting yourself into a calming space, have a couple guided visualizations/meditations cued up that have worked in the past and let this take you somewhere safe in your mind.

Need More Help for panic and anxiety?

Hopefully these tools can help you the next time you feel panicked or find yourself in the spiral of a panic attack.

If you have been struggling with anxiety recently, You are not alone in this. Learning your patterns of anxiety and gaining insight about your stress response can help you to recognize the signs of panic before they take over. By building coping skills for these situations with a supportive other you can change the way you respond to triggering situations and have more control over your life. If you are curious about more tools and tricks to help with anxiety, reach out to myself or another mental health professional in your area to help you overcome your anxiety today.

Voter's Guide to Self-Care This Election

As I write this we are just beginning the morning of what will surely be a historic day. The 2024 election is upon us and a lot is at stake. All week I have been assisting my clients to wrestle with the anxiety and anticipation for this moment, as I wrestle with my own. Our health has been threatened as a planet on many levels, and our nation here in the US has been divided between party lines and racial injustice. We are all asking, “what next?”

While it is true throughout this year and in this election there is a lot we cannot control, we are not completely paralyzed in our actions. In this post, I will share some ways to manage this election anxiety as we focus in on what is within our control, and make space for the emotions that arise. This week is a time for grace with ourselves. Here’s hoping these tips can be helpful in bringing peace in the difficult moments.

 Here is a list of helpful tips to keep in mind this week.

VOTE and use your power to advocate, then trust that you have done enough. One thing within this election that is completely within our control, is our ability to use our voice, express our needs, and participate actively in the democracy of our country. We can encourage our friends and family to do the same and we can do what is in our power to encourage, inspire, and reduce the barriers to getting others to the polls. If you have done any of these things, give yourself some appreciation for exercising your rights and for encouraging others to do the same. You have done what was within your power, and it’s time to trust that your voice will make a difference, that your actions are meaningful, and in this moment today you have done enough.

Anxiety around knowing our voice was heard is common. Some states have made it easy to check that our votes were approved and accepted if you voted early, and knowing this can reduce the anxiety of wondering. Check if your state is participating in this program by looking on www.ballottrax.com to check the status of your vote. I know for myself this was a huge relief to know my vote had gotten through. Once you know this accept that you have done all that is within your control and celebrate the fact that you expressed your desires and needs. It means so much that you were an active participant in this election. Try to focus on what you have control of, and let the rest be.

Start the day slowly- This morning and for the rest of the week, try to start the day slowly, engaging in some relaxing activity to calm your nerves. Begin the morning by enjoying your favorite beverage, writing a gratitude list, taking a few moments outside to just observe your surroundings, meditating or moving your body in a way that feels good. Make sure you do any of these slow soothing activities before turning on your screens. This practice on specifically stressful days can be the way to set the tone for a more peaceful experience and can help to reduce anxiety before it has a chance to ramp up.

Take a break- Plan to take a break from the news, and from social media. Until all the votes are counted we won’t know the outcome and it just breads anxiety to keep watching and waiting. Hearing the commentary as the votes come in builds suspense and anticipation that can send us into a panic, or can make us feel very uncentered. Take the afternoon off of the screens, or if you must check, set timers for yourself for 5 minutes at a time and hold yourself accountable for logging off. Do something soothing after any exposure to the news today and this week.

 Make time to chill out- this time is especially stressful so planning in advance some relaxing activities can help to reduce some of that anxiety. Think about what makes you feel most at ease and plan in that selfcare time today. Make this a non-negotiable aspect of your day, and write it in your calendar. Even five minutes of deep breathing or a 20 minute walk outside can make an incredible difference on our moods. If you can plan a relaxing activity with a loved one, even better.

Talk to a trusted non-judgmental person in your life- Arguing about politics today is not going to soothe any anxious nerves. Call your supportive friends and loved ones and have a chat about your hopes for the future, or anything else that you are hopeful and grateful for. Have a laugh, chat about life, or discuss a new show you’ve been watching lately that has been a helpful distraction. Share your feelings, but also make room for some supportive and thoughtful conversation to help take your mind off the vote today.

Process your emotions- Self-awareness is key to processing the emotions we feel. It’s okay to be angry, sad, or any slew of emotions today. There is a lot on the line. Noticing your feelings and giving them room to be felt is helpful in helping them pass. Allow yourself some time to process your nerves with a trusted person whether it be a loved one or a therapist, and get it out. Journaling and self-reflection during this time can be especially helpful this week. Also remembering that these difficult feelings will pass and you will get through this is helpful in moments of extreme anxiety. You are not alone in your feelings, know that support is out there to help you sit with these difficult moments.

Get some sleep- Sleep is also incredibly important this week. Lack of sleep will increase emotionality and can send us into negative spirals quicker than anything. If your mind is racing before bed, take some time to write out your thoughts. Try progressive muscle relaxation to release tension in the muscles to prepare you for sleep, and turn off screens at least an hour before you plan to go to bed. Light stretching or gentle exercise such as yoga before bed can be helpful in inducing sleep, and being around soothing scents can also help. Do what you can to lighten your schedule this week to allow for increased rest, and take care of your basic needs.

It is the season for self-care. If you need more assistance finding grounding and sitting with these heavy feelings, please reach out for support from loved ones or a therapist. WildSense is accepting new clients at this time to assist you in all that may be coming up during this unpredictable time. You are not in this alone. We will get through these difficult times together.

Take care and stay well everyone. Whatever the outcome, let’s stay united and vote for change.

The Gift Of Gratitude

One of the simplest ways to improve the overall wellness in your life is through practicing gratitude.

Our reflection and presence with this topic increases the capacity for mindful living, empathetic connection, and increases the quality of our lives on many levels. 

It is called a gratitude practice, because it is not easy.

It takes daily effort to focus into what is in front of us and truly appreciate all it offers. Some days this is easier than others. It takes commitment and focus which can be a struggle on the harder days, but is so worth the effort put into it.

Often we don’t express our gratitude enough in our life which impacts our mindset in a negative way. There is something so meaningful about taking a moment to acknowledge the gifts of a meal, or an experience, or a relationship. This practice of reciprocity can make such a powerful difference in our lives.  

So what is it about gratitude that makes it so impactful?

 Being thankful shifts our mindset. By expressing gratitude we are able to see the beauty in what already exists in our lives. We spend so much of our life in longing for what we don’t have. The shift in mindset when we take intentional space daily to reflect on our blessings moves us into an attitude of abundance, over scarcity. And this is the key to inviting more good stuff into our world.

Our self-esteem tends to improve when we express our gratitude. This is largely due to the reduction in social comparison as we begin to reflect positively about our own gifts, and the blessings we have in our lives. Something I notice when I focus on increasing the practice of gratitude in my life is the ability to turn my focus inward for a sense of happiness. I notice my longing for the approval of others fades, and I am able to reflect on my own strengths more consciously.

Toxic thoughts such as envy and jealousy also begin to fade as we move closer toward a space of contentment with what is when we include gratitude as a daily ritual. We can be more present with what is in our lives without thinking of the next thing coming or what we are wishing for.

A strong gratitude practice has even been shown to reduce depression symptoms in recent studies. The ritual of being grateful is a mental exercise that requires presence and intention. It is shown to improve our ability to overcome trauma by reducing stress in our bodies which can keep our trauma response elevated. By shifting focus to gratitude we strengthen our resiliency and have more protective factors that help guide us through difficult experiences.

 Gratitude is an ancient tradition.

As an Ecotherapist, one of the ways I start each session with clients is by creating space to slow down and reflect on the gratitude that is present for us. Our connection with the earth is rooted in the deep appreciation we hold for what we receive from earth’s elements and the benefits we receive from immersing ourselves in nature’s presence. Part of an ecotherapy practice is also acknowledging and giving thanks for the native peoples of the land which we stand on. These native communities hold a foundational belief that the gift of being human requires mindful gratitude and they build gratitude into each aspect of their life.

 The six nations of the Haudenosaunee (Iroquois) people have an ancient tradition of beginning each social and religious gathering with something they called the Thanksgiving Address.  The Thanksgiving Address is directly translated from the native Haudenosaunee language as “A greeting to the natural world” where they honor the Earth and all its offerings, the elements, the animals, the people, and the spiritual presence among them.

Gratitude is what our ancestors are rooted in and is a gift they have taught us throughout the generations. By going back to the simple sacred moments of taking time to give thanks we are not only honoring their wisdom, but we are carrying on their traditions of reciprocity with the Earth. For this is the act of true presence and active participation in this beautiful life we were given.

Gratitude improves our relationships.

By this I mean the relationship with ourselves, others in our lives (both human and non-human), and our environment. It enhances that quality of reciprocity in our connections and invites space to truly see another being as you appreciate it’s qualities. Our empathy is increased drastically by our ability to appreciate the intricacies of life around us and practice conscious awareness.

Imagine the difference in your relationship if you told your partner or your friend how thankful you are for them or expressed something you appreciate about them every day! It’s a game changer. Studies show that expressing gratitude increases the opportunity for new connections too! Saying thank you and showing appreciation to people you meet, increases the likelihood of them pursuing an ongoing relationship with you. It doesn’t take much to enhance these connections and it feels really good to enter the world with gratitude each day.

What if gratitude was the cure for your sleep issues?

Research shows that those who take intentional time to write down their gratitude before bed are more likely to sleep deeper and longer than those who don’t hold this practice.

Many people have reported overall better health as a result of a steady gratitude practice! Perhaps their gratitude for their bodies encourages them to keep up with doctors’ appointments, or be more careful, but whatever the reason there have been proven results of less aches and pains when gratitude is a daily practice. Many people who engage in gratitude tend to also be more active. Pretty amazing the way that this intentional mindset can improve our health on every level.

I notice that my gratitude practice shifts my values as well. As I focus in on the things that matter to me on a deep level I begin to make life choices that honor these sacred things. For example my love for the environment has directly impacted the way that I vote in response to climate change and sustainability, the way I engage in recreational activities, and even the way that I eat to reflect more sustainable and ethical choices.

The more we practice this timeless art of thankfulness the more room we make for love.

Our reflection and presence increases the capacity for empathetic connection, and in turn builds up the quality of our lives.

So in closing I invite you to reflect now on the blessings in your life. Share your appreciation for the special person in your life, take a moment to express gratitude for your meal tonight, and spend an extra moment appreciating the sunshine on your skin. It is said that only humans have the capacity for gratitude in a conscious sense. What a gift it is to be able to express this ancient tradition of thankfulness. Please join me in giving thanks…

I have begun a daily gratitude practice this month to see these benefits for myself and I invite you to join me in giving thanks. I am starting with a 30 day challenge in hopes to making this a lasting habit that can change my life for the better.

Tune in to this video called Wild Wellness Wednesdays to hear more on this topic. Each week I post a new video exploring a new topic from a nature based and trauma informed lens. Check it out here: https://instagram.com/wildsensetherapy

What are you grateful for today?

Exploring Your Ecological Self

How we identity is a lifelong process and involves deep exploration into our backgrounds, our history, our attachments, and our passions. The “Who am I?” questions are difficult to figure out at times and can be daunting. What do we look at when we explore what has made us who we are?

My career as a therapist has me asking these questions often to each client that comes through the door as I learn their story. Often when I look into the question of identity, I like to start with the beginning. Going back to childhood allows us to have a more holistic view of where our beliefs and interests began and it sheds some light on the attachments we have been building since early on in our existence.

Typically I find that a lot of us form attachments to our primary caregivers that we grew up with such as our parents/grandparents/guardians/close kin. Usually our first friendships, our family relationships, and our early hobbies help to shape our interests/passions in the future and give us a foundation of what we see as safe or healthy within relationships.

What we may be missing when we explore our foundation of who we are is the role that our environment plays in our identifying features. How nature and our relationship with the earth impact our beliefs and worldviews is an important element of our identity. Exploring this aspect of identity helps to give us a more holistic view of who we are and helps us to understand our Ecological self.

The attachment between human and mother earth can be just as impactful as the attachment from child to caregiver. This aspect of who we are is often overlooked by our modern society.

We have attachments to nature through food, touch, movement, and even the circadian rhythms we adopt from the moon cycles and seasons. Our biological design is shaped through our relationship with our surrounding natural environment so checking in with this connection can only teach us more about ourselves and deepen our sense of belonging as an animal being and an inhabitant of this earth.

Our connection with nature has been a part of our lives since the beginning of our existence as homosapiens. As society evolves and we spend more and more time indoors, we get further away from our innate connection and attachment to nature. This domestication of our wild selves may lead us to feel more detached, isolated, and lonely without being able to pinpoint why. Our sense of place is disrupted and we lack that deeper connection to something greater than ourselves when we lose the wild within us.

I invite you to explore this aspect of who you are and see what may shift in your perception of self.

Below I will list a few questions to help get this exploration started. I invite you to use these questions as journal prompts or just to hold them in your heart and your mind this week as you look deeper at what lights you up, and the intricacies of you as a holistic being in connection with our natural home.

Here are  some questions to explore the health of your ecological self:

·      What is your earliest memory of nature?

·      What was it like growing up? Were you able to get your hands dirty, go out to see the stars, plant in the garden?

·      Can you recall your first moment of feeling a sense of awe in nature?

·      What was your geological landscape like around your house growing up? Perhaps draw a map to explore this deeper.

·      Were there specific trees, flowers, plants that stand out to you from childhood?

·      How did you first learn about your ancestors? Through school, family tradition, books?

·      When and where do you feel safest in nature?

·      When and where do you feel unsafe in nature?

·      What is your relationship with time? Are you often in a hurry?

·      Have you ever been lost in the natural world? What happened? Did you lose yourself intentionally?

·      Have there been any losses or fears regarding the natural world?

·      How does the loss of species and global warming impact you emotionally?

·      How much intentional time do you spend in the outdoors? Is it enough? What do you do in the outdoors for recreation?

·      Describe your relationship with nature from each decade of your life, and into your current experience. How has your relationship shifted or evolved?

These questions are just a few of so many more we could explore when it comes to deepening into your ecological self. Our connection with nature allows us to be a part of something greater and feel a sense of belonging and peace.  

I invite you to continue to explore these concepts for yourself and please reach out if you have any questions or would like to learn more about nature reconnection wok to enhance your sense of identity and overall wellness.

Tune in to this video called Wild Wellness Wednesdays to hear more on this topic. Each week I post a new video exploring a new topic from a nature based and trauma informed lens.

You can see more Wild Wellness Wednesdays videos each week at:

https://instagram.com/wildsensetherapy.com

Reconnect through Grounding: Tools and Tricks to Help with Anxiety, Change, and Hard Times

The word grounding gets thrown around a lot in the therapy world. I use it a lot with clients, but rarely is it explained. During all the change we have been surrounded with, both individually and collectively, I thought it was about time I shared some of my favorite grounding techniques and gave a little background to the term.

Grounding is also known as earthing. In ecotherapy, this technique is a common way to connect to the earth and drop into its natural healing energy. It is comprised of any exercise or activity that can reconnect you with the earth while evoking feelings of calmness and centeredness.

These exercises can be of great assistance during moments of anxiety, traumatic memories/experiences, disassociation, urges to use substances, and moments of overwhelm. When we are in a state of stress, fear, and trauma activation, we cannot connect to our rational thought or sense of ease. It is all about survival at that point. We need grounding to bring us back into the present moment.

 Grounding is about connection and being present, not escaping and distraction. Try not to place judgment about how you feel when grounding. Just be with what is in the room. Be curious and stay with it.

While relaxation can be an effect of grounding exercises, relaxation and grounding are different. Grounding is an intentional act where you remain conscious and present in the moment. It’s about connection. It is not used to escape, dissociate, or leave your present sensations. It all about being here now…

Here are fifteen of my favorite exercises that are accessible and easy to do.

During a moment of panic-y feelings it’s important to bring your awareness out of your head and into the present moment.

Exercise #1:

Connect with your surroundings

An easy go-to in these moments is to look around you and notice 5 things you can see, speaking them out loud is helpful.  Then notice 4 things you can hear, 3 things you can touch or feel, 2 things you can smell, and 1 thing you can taste. If the taste one is difficult, think of one thing you are grateful for in the moment.

Exercise #2:

Connect with the Earth, literally

Go outside to somewhere that is safe to be in nature like a park, open space, beach, river, or lakeshore for example. Remove your shoes and socks and place your bare feet on the earth noticing the shifts in sensations in your body. Breathe deeply noticing the sensations in your body and feeling the earth as a part of you.

Exercise #3:

Connect with your breath

Breathe deeply. Notice where you feel the breath as it enters your body and follow the breath as it fills your lungs, chest, and belly. There are many breathing techniques that can be super helpful to achieve specific effects, but one that I teach often to clients is box breathing due to its simplicity and effectiveness during anxious moments. Box breathing is an exercise where you count four seconds in, hold the breath for 4 seconds, breathe out for 4 seconds, and hold empty for 4 seconds. Repeat this sequence ideally for 4 minutes or until a state of calm returns.

Exercise #4:

Connect with imagery

Allow yourself to let go and be guided into relaxation and a deeper connection within yourself and your surroundings. Guided imagery and meditations, especially meditations that involve scanning your body and connecting with nature are a great tool. You can find some meditations here.

Exercise #5:

Connect to the sense of smell

Choose scents you like or ones that influence calm sensations. An example of this is essential oils, teas, herbs, or flowers. Stepping outside and connecting to the scent of pine trees, or earth, or grass all can be so effective in shifting your experience.

Exercise #6:

Connect with temperature sensations

This exercise can be especially helpful during moments of disassociation, panic, and extreme anxiety. It is a quick way to reconnect to the present moment. Hold an ice cube in your hands. The sharp sensations of ice can snap you out of moments when we start to spiral in our heads and bring us back into the present moment.

Exercise #7:

Connect with the element of water

Run your hands or face under warm or cold water. Bonus if you have access to a stream or river that is safely accessible. Water is a great way to focus on the sensations of our body and can pull us from the depths of our minds into the present moment. Even drinking water and feeling its sensation as we ingest it can be helpful. Water’s soothing qualities connect us deeply with our senses as we pay attention to this element’s sounds, sensations, temperature, flow, feeling of weightlessness, resistance, rhythm, and peaceful harmony.

Exercise #8:

Connect with a  nature object

Holding a being from nature such as a rock, feather, handful of earth, sand or leaf, can be a great way to exchange energy and feel a sense of ease. We can notice the tactile sensations in our hands as we hold it, and can even mentally transfer our overwhelming energy into that object.

Exercise #9:

Connect with movement

Move your body! Practice dynamic movement and releasing energy through the action of exercise, stretching, walking, or even shaking out our limbs can be extremely beneficial when we feel overwhelmed with unprocessed memories or difficult thoughts. It allows energy to move throughout the body and release.

Exercise #10:

Connect with each muscle

This exercise is called progressive muscle relaxation. To begin, tighten and clench your hands and arms, squeezing as tightly as possible and hold for at least 6 seconds. Notice the sensations as you do this. Then release and exhale. Repeat. Do this in every major muscle group of your body from your head to your toes. By holding and releasing the muscles we are able to allow the energy to move and release tension in the places we are holding our anxiety, tension, or trauma.

Exercise #11:

Connect with weight and texture

If you have a weighted blanket these can be so helpful in easing stress. Wrap yourself up in the blanket feeling held and supported in the sensation of weight. Even heavy covers or multiple blankets can feel grounding in moments of anxiety.

Exercise #12:

Connect with bilateral movement

Bilateral movement, such as tapping or walking, can assist in processing memories and increasing connection to our bodies. Cross your arms across your chest as if you are making the letter “X,” also known as a butterfly hug. Begin to tap your shoulders with the opposite hand to opposite shoulder going back and forth while keeping your eyes open to stay present. This can be a soothing way to regulate ourselves by integrating our right and left hemispheres of the brain. Walking also provides bilateral stimulation as each foot hits the ground back and forth.

Exercise #13:

Connecting with pet

A pet such as a cat, dog, horse, rabbit, or other creature helps us to regulate through being present with us and offering comfort and soothing. Such a lovely way to reduce stress.

Exercise #14:

Connect with nourishment

Mindful eating is a great way to ground yourself. As you eat, slow way down noticing the sights, smells, textures, colors, tastes, and sounds of the food. Notice your body’s reaction to eating. How do you know when you are ready to swallow? What is happing in your mouth as you smell the food? What is the taste and texture of the food as you hold it in your mouth? Mindful eating is a great way to become aware of our internal sensations and allow the comfort of nourishment to soothe us.

Exercise #15:

Connect with maternal nature  

Talk to yourself as if you were a child. It invokes self-compassion and allows a new perspective on the situation. Tell yourself “I know you are having a rough time right now, but it will pass.” “you are strong” “you will get through this”. Even using mantras such as “breathe”, “it’s okay”, “I love you”, ect. can make a marked difference in our nervous system and shift our experience. Soothing yourself as if you would a child gets to the core of some of the attachment wounds that may be triggered in the moment. Self-love is so necessary during these times of struggle.

 Practice is key with these grounding exercises. Do them often and do them early on, preferably before the symptoms have become overwhelming. As you begin to pay attention to the sensations in your body and surroundings it will be easier to notice when you are getting triggered or when the symptoms of overwhelm are just beginning and you will be able to put these exercises into action prior to losing control.

Frequently check in with yourself rating your feelings from 0-10. When you notice you are beginning to climb the scale of emotion, it’s time to implement some grounding ASAP. Keeping your eyes open throughout all of these activities helps to reduce the risk of disassociation and keeps you in the present moment.

For more tips on how to ground yourself reach out to WildSense Therapy.

Discussion and Resources for Anti-Racism and Social Justice

I don’t have all the answers, but I know that action needs to be taken. Racism hurts everyone. Racial inequality is just as much a White person problem as it is for a Person of Color. As a person of privilege, it is my job to educate myself, fight for justice, correct my family members and inner circle when they are misinformed or unjust, and support People of Color in this moment and everyday. I know I will never fully understand the depths of the experience of racism as my Black peers do, and I am listening to become wiser. I am reading to unlearn the error of my ways and gain understanding into true cultural competence. I am supporting the communities of Black, Indigenous, and People of Color (BIPOC) in getting their message heard.

I am offering empathy and support to those who need assistance right now.

This is triggering. This is the stuff that needs to be talked about. This is trauma.

For me to call myself a trauma informed therapist who is inclusive of all spectrums of gender, sexual, racial, and ethnic identities, I need to be curious. I need to be educated, and I need to be braver than I have been in standing up for what I believe in which is justice and equality. I need to acknowledge my privilege in the broken system of power we live in.

These conversations are not comfortable. They are risky and painful and they bring up a lot of trauma. The needed conversations usually are not the comfortable ones. I will always stand for love and will always open my heart to those different from myself.  My imperfect self is here as an ally, a listening ear, an open heart, and a human equal to you no matter who you are or where you come from. I want to hear your story. If you disagree with me, I want to hear your story too. We cannot create change unless we listen and keep an open heart.

I am beyond grateful to BIPOC for expressing the way they need to be supported during this time, and sharing resources that will assist the white community in doing so. I will leave you with a list of books, resources, and ways to support BIPOC during this time that I have been collecting over the week.

Yes this is a very painful time, and it also is a time to come together. I commit to taking action from this day forward toward equality, justice, inclusion, and love.

Join me in being part of the solution.

In solidarity,

Marissa

Resources

Books:

White Fragility by Robin Diangelo

How I Shed My Skin: Unlearning the Racist Lessons of a Southern Childhood by Jim Grimsley

Why Are All the Black Kids Sitting Together in the Cafeteria?: And Other Conversations About Race by Beverly Daniel Tatum

When They Call You a Terrorist: A Black Lives Matter Memoir by Patrisse Khan-Cullors and Asha Bandele

Mindful of Race by Ruth King

Good Talk by Mira Jacob

Uprooting Racism: How White People Can Work for Racial Justice by Paul Kivel

Stamped from the Beginning by Ibram X Kendi

Me and White Supremacy by Layla F. Saad

Between the World and Me by Ta-Nehisi Coates

My Grandmother’s Hands: Racialized Trauma and the Pathway to Mending our Hearts and Bodies by Resmaa Menakem

Mindful of Race: Transforming Racism from the Inside Out by Ruth King

Waking Up White, and Finding Myself in the Story of Race by Debby Irving

New Jim Crow: Mass Incarceration in the Age of Colorblindness by  Michelle Alexander

Killing Rage; Ending Racism by Bell Hooks

So You Want to Talk About Race by Ijeoma Oluo

Locked Down, Locked Out by Maya Schenwar

Eloquent Rage by Brittney Cooper

Emergent Strategy by Adrienne Maree Brown

Beyond the Pale: White Women, Racism, and History by Vron Ware

Unaplologetic by Charlene A. Carruthers

The Hate You Give by Angie Thomas

Beloved by Toni Morrison

*These are books I have collected for myself this week to continue my education on racial and social injustice. If you know of other books I should read and add to my list, please send me a message. 

Documentaries:

The 13th  (2016)

When They See Us (2019)

I Am Not Your Negro (2016)

Crime + Punishment (2016)

Let the Fire Burn (2013)

The Black Power Mixed Tape 1967-1975 (2011)

The Death and Life of Marsha P Johnson (2017)

The Two Killings Of Sam Cooke (2019)

Ferguson A Report From Occupied Territory (2015)

Who Killed Malcom X (2020)- TV Documentary Series

Strong Island (2017)

Becoming (2020)

Self Made: Inspired by the Life of Madam C. J. Walker (2020)

Time: The Kalief Browder Story (2017)

Podcasts

Opt-in with Aurora+Kelly

1619

Code Switch (NPR)

About Race

Intersectionality Matters! hosted by Kimberle Crenshaw

The Diversity Gap

Keep It

Momenutum: A Race Forward Podcast

Seeing White 

Organizations:

NAACP: The mission of the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People is to ensure the political, educational, social, and economic equality of rights of all individuals without discrimination based on race : naacp.org

United Negro College Fund: A non-profit organization that fights for a better future through education and scholarships for minority groups : uncf.org

Color of Change: Color Of Change designs campaigns powerful enough to end practices that unfairly hold Black people back, and champion solutions that move us all forward : colorofchange.org

Black Youth Project 100: Vulnerable families have lost their jobs, can’t pay rent, and need help now. Together we can make a difference by quickly delivering cash : givedirectly.org

The BIPOC Project: The BIPOC Project aims to build authentic and lasting solidarity among Black, Indigenous and People of Color (BIPOC), in order to undo Native invisibility, anti-Blackness, dismantle white supremacy and advance racial justice : thebipocproject.org

The Sentencing Project: The Sentencing Project has worked for fair and effective U.S. criminal justice system for 30 years : sentencingproject.org

Families against Mandatory Minimums: FAMM seeks to create a more fair and effective justice system that respects our American values of individual accountability and dignity while keeping communities safe : famm.org

A New Way Of Life: A New Way of Life Reentry Project provides housing, case management, pro bono legal services, advocacy and leadership development for women rebuilding their lives after prison : anewwayoflife.org

Dream Defenders: A youth organization gathering to fight for a future they deserve : dreamdefenders.org

Southern Poverty Law Center: A non profit organization dedicated to fighting hate and bigotry and to seeking justice for the most vulnerable members of our society : splcenter.org

George Floyd Memorial Fund: official gofundme to support the Floyd family : gofundme.co/georgefloyd

Minnesota Freedom Fund: community based non profit that pays criminal bail and immigration bonds for individuals who have been arrested while protesting police brutality: minnesotafreedomfund.org

Black Visions Collective: A Black ,Trans, and Queer- led organization that is committed to dismantling systems of oppression and violence and shifting the public narrative to create transformative long term change : www.blackvisionsmn.org

Reclaim the Block: coalition that advocates for and invests in community-led safety initiatives in Minneapolis neighborhoods : reclaimtheblock.org

Campaign Zero: online platformand organization that utilizes research- based policy solutions to end police brutality in America : joincampaignzero.org

Unicorn Riot: non-profit organization that is dedicated to exposing root causes of dynamic and social and environmental issues : unicornriot.ninja

I run with Maude: Justice for Amaud Arbery fundraiser :  gofundme.com/f/i-run-with-maude

Justice for Breonna Taylor petition and fundraiser: change.org/p/andy-beshear-justice-for-breonna-taylor

Louisville Community Bail Fund: actionnetwork.org/fundraising/Louisville-community-bail-fund

National Bail Out: nationalbailout.org

National Bail Out Fund- Free Black Mamas: secure.actblue.com/donate/freeblackmamas2020

Transgender Law Center in Memory of Tony McDade: Transgender Law Center changes law, policy, and attitudes so that all people can live safely, authentically, and free from discrimination regardless of their gender identity or expression : transgenderlawcenter.org

Brooklyn Community Bail Fund: Brooklynbailfund.org

North Star Health Collective: health providers who work in alliance with mainstream and anti-authoritarian organizations to create a safe and healthy events : northstarhelathcollective.org

Richmond for All: a coalition of individuals and organizations fighting for housing, education, environmental, & racial justice : richmondforall.com/get-involved

Helpful Articles:

Annuity.org - a free financial web resource accredited by the Better Business Bureau published a compelling and in-depth article about Closing the racial wealth gap in America.

This article discusses:
- The impact that this knowledge gap has on the African American community
- Socioeconomic and cultural barriers
- The role of Black financial advisors about closing the racial wealth gap in America.

Please take a look here:
annuity.org/financial-literacy/black-community/

Ways to support:

Support BIPOC businesses (visit supportblackowned.com to find Black owned businesses to support in your area) , donate, join organizations that fight for social justice and racial equality, speak up against racial injustice, VOTE, listen, spread the message of BIPOC voices, know your privilege and take action, spread some love.

The Truth Behind Our Inner Critic and How to Confront It

Self-talk- more often than not, it's not the most positive thing. You would think that our own brain would be on our side cheering us on, but it so commonly seems to be our biggest critic.

Why is this happening and how can I turn it around?

Reasons behind the negative messages in our mind typically didn’t start out of the blue as a way to sabotage ourselves. Usually it came from very early on in our development. Have you ever been called names or been told you couldn’t do something? Ever put yourself out there only to be shut down, or told you were wrong? Or have you ever truly embarrassed yourself when attempting to be brave? I think the majority of us can relate to at least one of these experiences.

These negative, soul-crushing experiences stay with us as we grow. They create an internal narrative of self-criticism that reminds us of our failures and builds fear each time we want to be seen. We are all, to some extent, afraid of judgment. This fear becomes strongest when it was our early attachment figures or those we identified with and grew close to in our early developmental stages which did not allow ourselves to be seen, heard, or acknowledged. There’s an even stronger impact on our wellbeing when our primary caregivers or someone we trusted growing up abused our trust through acts of violence, sexual misconduct, or emotional abuse. These things seep into our psyches creating boundaries of mistrust or limiting beliefs around the idea that we are valued and deserving of love.

So how can we live these experiences and feel confident and secure? It’s not an easy answer or one that is what everyone wants to hear, because it involves a lot of effort. The answer is finding and engaging in corrective experiences.

What is a corrective experience and how can I get one?

A corrective experience is something that takes a scary thing and gives a different outcome than the negative ones in the past. An example of this is in romantic relationships is putting yourself out there in a new relationship when your previous romantic partners have put you down for being vulnerable, and your current partner (the corrective experience source) responds in a positive, validating, and secure way. Your biggest fear was proved wrong.

A lot of the time corrective experiences can be first experienced through therapy. A therapeutic relationship may be the first time you have ever been able to be your true self and be vulnerable without judgment or shame. The therapist is a neutral source of validation, and acceptance of even the scariest parts of yourself if therapy is done right. It is a sacred space for you to challenge yourself in the security of a supportive place.

By doing this again and again and sitting with the discomfort of going there, gradually our inner narrative begins to shift. We can gradually begin to believe the positive statements about ourselves. We can finally have enough corrective experiences to trust others rather than fearing them, and will be able to tell the difference of what a safe person is or is not.

A lot of times it takes multiple corrective experiences to change the inner narrative within. The beliefs we build around safety come from an early place and have lived with us a lot of times for our entire existence. We often need a reminder for ourselves to be gentle as we learn a different way. Self-love is a practice that takes effort, commitment, and intention. It starts with small steps toward breaking the negative spirals in our minds. It takes many experiences of security to build trust and shift our perspective. Unpacking our bookshelves of the stories we tell ourselves is an undertaking that is best to do with support.

Wondering how to begin?

If you are looking for a way to start this journey towards self-acceptance, reaching out for support can be the first step. We aren’t expected to know how to do all this on our own. This stuff is big, and difficult, and at certain times overwhelming to begin. I am here for you in this time of uncertainty.

Come as you are and begin the steps in getting back to you. 

As an expert in helping people find their voice and assisting them in healing the past, I can help. Contact WildSense Therapy today for a free consultation.

Let the corrective experiences begin.

 

The Life You Leave Behind- A 6 Step Guide to Processing Change

One thing is for sure in life, things are gonna change. It does not mean, however that when the change does occur, it is an easy thing to adapt to. Transitions are a tough thing to navigate at any stage in life and most of the time, these shifts tend to bring all our unresolved shit up. Suddenly you are not only addressing the details of your breakup, or move, or shift in career, but you are stuck in the self-doubt spiral which has a tendency to take over our lives.

 Feeling lost and out of control are the hallmarks of change. We build up all this anticipation for taking the leap into the next step and once we rip off that bandaid, there tends to be feelings of guilt and loss. Even if we are moving in a positive direction, the space to grieve what we are letting go of is so appropriate and necessary.

So many of my clients begin therapy to find out how to cope with the loss of their past life. I’ll give you a small hint- distraction typically does not do the trick. A key part of the healing is acknowledgement. The feelings of sadness, and frustration, and total confusion needs to be sat with for growth to happen. Just willing it away does not make your feelings disappear. It will appear later in life and hit you between the eyes when you least expect it, or get played out in your next relationship.

Throughout my work as a therapist and my own life experience, these are the things I have found helpful when processing change and transition:

1. Finding a good therapist

2. Remembering the past

3. Doing what you are passionate about

4. Finding your natural supports

5. Getting outside and appreciating nature

6. Spending some time with a non-human companion

See if these helpful tips may change your experience of change.

1.     Find a good therapist!!

I can’t stress this enough.

Sure, your friends get it and want to help, but do they challenge you to sit with the emotions of discomfort? Do they help you make connections to the past and bring to light your patterns that keep you stuck? Do they know how to set boundaries in a way that is compassionate and helpful to the relationship? Typically this is not the case with our friends- and these key skills are the reason to process this loss in therapy and not on your bestie’s futon.

Remember, you have every right to feel seen and heard and a moment of change is the best time to invest in your mental health to set the next chapter of your life up for success.

It’s time to heal.

2.     Remember

This phase is about when you feel ready. No one will know when the time for this step is aside from you, take all the time you need. It helps to have a therapist in place before this step.

When you are ready, bring to light all the positive aspects of the life you are leaving behind, and express gratitude. Honoring where we are coming from allows a little more light into the future we are moving toward. One of the ways to do this is to take an evening to go through all the pictures, sentiments, and tangible memories you have collected of the stage you are leaving behind. Sit with them, holding them in your hands, and give yourself time to appreciate and grieve. Keep a journal nearby to express the emotions and thoughts that arise. Now think back to the hard times. Take a moment of reflection to notice what you have overcome. Write down the lessons that phase of life has brought you and give yourself some grace.

You are a badass for getting through to the other side. Sit with that affirmation.

3.     Do what you love

Take some time to steep yourself in passion.

What lights you up? What is one thing you could do daily that you would never get sick of? Make space for that- even if it is five minutes. Transitions are so tough, we need to allow moments in our days to break the thought spirals of overthinking and leave space for joy. If you can do what you love in a group activity you get bonus points. Joining a book club, a running group, or volunteering for a positive cause that aligns with your values is such a wonderful way to expand your gifts and connect with like-minded people and can increase that support network that gets you through this. Checking out local community centers or community boards in your local coffee shops can be some good inspiration to find a class or gathering to challenge yourself.

Write down your experience after you give it a try to process what it brought up.

4.     Find your natural support

Healthy friends and family are in your life for a reason.They care more than you may know. Let them!!

Sometimes change and life transitions can be difficult to talk about with our loved ones because we are judging ourselves enough already that we don’t have space for the possibility of more judgement. But perhaps the one you actually open up to has been through something similar and can have some words of wisdom or simply a moment of connection that is needed.

Imagine what it would feel like to have someone tell you- “I’m here for you and I know it hurts”.

5.   Get outside/Appreciate the natural wonders of the outdoors

Take some space from your current environment.

Allow yourself the time for a walk, a hike, or to read a book on a park bench or the beach away from other people. If you are sick, quarantining yourself, or needing to stay at home, watching nature documentaries that highlight nature’s beauty can be a great alternative with similar benefits. Gardening and taking care of houseplants offers a calming effect on our minds and bodies. Also sitting in a place where you can see nature from your window and noticing all the colors you see, or feeling the breeze coming through the curtains can make a marked difference in our nervous system. Nature’s soothing rhythm and principals of balance offer clarity and comfort and can quiet the chatter of our minds.

Nature is the ultimate guide for how to survive change. The constant change in the natural environment and the shift in seasons are a perfect reflection and metaphor for a life in transition. Allow yourself this time to reflect in it’s presence.

6.     Spend some time with a non-human companion

Your pets are the most empathetic creatures.

They can offer comfort just by standing next to you or offering a cuddle on the couch. Utilize them! Being in the presence of animals increases the release of oxytocin- also known as the feel-good cuddle hormone. It increases bonding and comfort and gives a feeling of being loved. If you don’t have an animal in your home, volunteer at the SPCA, local shelter, or humane society. I can’t think of a better afternoon to help calm feelings of sadness than petting kittens all day. Even hiring a friend’s pet for the day or offering to petsit can be a great option to get some animal love.

Adjustment takes time.

Your experience of pain is valid and justified. Your self-doubt and grief can get better, and you can come out the other side of this as a complete person who knows who they are and where they are going. Change is necessary to help us grow.

You don’t have to feel lost on your own.

Reach out to WildSense today to start the process of getting back to you and honoring where you came from.

The Life Changing Impact of Bringing Therapy Outdoors

Ever wonder why a weekend out in nature leaves you feeling restored, calmer, and less stressed out? There are so many reasons for this both psychologically and physiologically. Nature is the original healer offering its properties of balance, beauty, rhythm, and medicine to heal us from the inside out. Spending time in the great outdoors has more benefits than you may have thought about- especially when you combine time in nature with therapy.

When I immerse myself in nature, I notice that my thoughts get quieter, my feelings of positivity increase, and I generally have a better sense of who I am. This is why it has become my biggest passion to incorporate nature therapy into my work and daily life.

Enter the field of ecopsychology, a.k.a ecotherapy/nature therapy. I was introduced to this budding field of psychology when I was a teen and all the stars aligned.

With ecotherapy, I knew I had met my calling.

Ecotherapy holds the concept that our souls are not separate from the earth and that healing can be facilitated through a healthy connection with mother nature and in turn, ourselves. There is a key focus on sustainability, such as asking yourself the question “am I living my life and holding my relationships in a sustainable way?” Balance and reciprocity are key features in an ecotherapy session as we allow the natural world to hold us in our experience.

You might be wondering “why try ecotherapy as opposed to just taking a walk in the woods by yourself?” Good question! Combining nature with therapy allows for a deeper experience overall because it is intentional. With a therapist there, it allows sacred space to process what arises. A therapist has the ability to guide you through the connections you may make with your natural surroundings as it reflects your experience in your life. It involves taking a deeper look at where we store pain and how nature can be a safe space to process and release it.

Ecotherapy allows space to connect with your truest self and be guided through the wisdom of our intuition and our five senses. The natural setting allows a client to slow down to a more natural pace and can be less intimidating than being enclosed within four walls of an office. Slowing down offers space to focus more on what needs to be said and a therapist helps to bring voice and movement to those messages.

Ecotherapy is a sensory and experiential practice rooted in mindfulness and connection. As a practitioner, a therapist guides you in going within, accessing your five senses, and listening for the messages inside your body as you interact with nature. Within ecotherapy the natural environment takes an active role alongside the therapist in fostering increased clarity as you reconnect to the healing offerings around you. As this connection builds, resourcing ourselves by grounding with the earth can support difficult experiences in therapy though offering increased comfort and reflective guidance.

There’s a great lesson to be learned from nature in its ability to heal itself and coexist with other beings. We can tap into this wealth of knowledge through creating intentional time and space. As a guide of ecotherapy, a therapist assists in setting this intention as it relates to your current struggles and offers guidance to deepen the conversation with yourself and the surrounding environment.

Bringing therapy outdoors really helps us to zoom out of the racing thoughts, downward spirals, and busy world of distractions and see the bigger picture. It allows a feeling of connection to something greater than ourselves.

Our connections made through an ecotherapy session allows us tools and insights to bring into the other relationships in our life. This practice offers new perspectives we can gain from the ancestral spirits of our earth and energy within the natural world. My experience with ecotherapy, both as a therapist and as a client, has been profoundly powerful in allowing me to remember the truest parts of myself and safely process what arises. It has allowed clarity to emerge through challenges in my life and has encouraged growth in ways no other form of healing has been able to reach.

But don’t take my word for it. Try it for yourself. If you are curious about how ecotherapy can assist your healing journey, reach out to WildSense Therapy to see how incorporating nature into therapy can help you get back to your truest self.

Self Love - New Year's Resolution into Intention

Happy New Year! The hustle and bustle of the holidays is behind us and the new year is soon to be in full swing. This New Year especially has a lot of attention around it as we close out a decade. Many people so far have asked me what my New Year’s resolution will be this year. Seems like a big question. How have you been answering?

While thinking of ways to start over may sound amazing in theory, resolutions may be the thing that makes this New Year a little less exciting and a little more resentment filled. The idea of a fresh start fills up gyms, yoga studios, workshops, and dating apps in the month of January, but the research shows that typically by March, attendance is down dramatically. The US News and world report shows that a whopping 80 percent of resolutions fail. Ouch, that’s a big number.

So what goes wrong? So many of us when we think of resolutions decide to go big! We choose things we have never done before, things that are extremely difficult to do, or we decide to give up something that we love. Our expectations are too high which can lead to disappointing ourselves and feeling “less than”.

Resolution means to resolve something- its almost like you’re saying you are fixing something that is broken. This lends itself to our harsh self-talk and starts the year off in shadow. It eludes to the fact that things are not good enough as they are so it needs to change… well that’s no way to get a fresh start is it? We can do better than this.  

Rather than deciding on a resolution for this New Year let’s start the year off with some reflection, gratitude, and a shift in the way we speak to ourselves. Let’s start with building intentions to allow our life to grow rather than change. Some people like to choose a word of intention for the New Year- something they are reaching for or striving to achieve. Words like clarity, love, joy, etc. Some people simply choose the word YES to encourage them to say yes to more opportunities when they arise.

The idea of setting a word as an intention for the year can allow your goal to be more likely to achieve. By using a word of intention, it can be a reminder throughout each situation to check in with yourself. For example, last year I set the intention of the word growth. As I lived throughout the days and months and especially when I made big decisions, I checked in and asked myself “does this activity encourage growth?”

Wow was that an enlightening thing to ask on a regular basis. I found myself realizing that a majority of the tasks I did were not sparking a sense of growth or inspiration. It allowed me space to be present and reevaluate how I was living. It offered space to examine my relationships, to feel where the draining sensations were weighing on me, and to consciously let unhealthy friendships go when needed. I ended up signing up for more trainings to advance my skills, making friends who inspired me to change my perspective, and listening to more podcasts that made my commute a learning experience. My self-worth grew over last year as well as I continued to check in with myself and encouraged my gifts to expand.

 Intentions are non-judgmental. They are realistic and forgiving, and a way to believe that these dreams are real and will come true. By setting intention for anything we are guiding our energy toward where we want to go and communicating with the universe that we are inviting in such things. Meditate on your intentions, say your intentions aloud with belief that they will be fulfilled, and continue to check in so you may see your progress toward your goal.

The way we talk to ourselves has a lot to do with our ability to move forward. By giving ourselves realistic expectations and building on a theme for the year we can change our negative self-talk into inspiring messages that spark growth. Let’s shift our focus from what we want to change to how we want to grow. Spend time evaluating our unique gifts and exploring ways to enhance them. Mostly, hold yourself gently with the New Year and allow yourself some grace if your intentions are slow to gain momentum.

The idea of this shift in the New Year from resolutions to intentions is meant to be something you can focus on each day with the smallest things we do in our lives. By asking yourself the question “does this help me grow?” when waking up for work each morning we can allow ourselves to be more present with the moments passing by, and to pay attention to the things that make us feel positive.

So as another year and decade comes to a close, reflect on the amazing changes that have occurred in your life over the months and years. Know that anything is possible and embrace the opportunities awaiting you. It’s about the journey with this stuff, there is no destination or outcome that will complete us. Be kind, be present, be gentle with yourself. Wishing you all the opportunity to step into your best selves this year and to listen to the messages guiding you from within.

So in closing I ask, What’s your word of intention for 2025?

5 Ways To Stay Sane Over The Holidays

Oh the holidays… a time of connection, gatherings, joy, and abundance. Also a time where we see people we have been avoiding all year, we spend all our money to buy impressing gifts that- let’s face it - our family doesn’t need, and we have to either host a bunch of people in our homes or travel long distances through the winter weather to see our loved ones. The reward can be high, but damn do you have to work for it. Helllooooooo pressure!!

While the hustle and bustle is real, it doesn’t have to be as overwhelming as it sounds. You don’t need to completely lose your mind during these next couple months.

Ways to stay sane…

One- Drop the expectation that everything needs to be perfect 🍁

No family is perfect, no gathering is perfect, and no gift is perfect. Flaws are expected during this time and should be part of the plan. Adjusting our mindset to the idea that things might just go awry is gonna save you a ton of stress. Plan for this. Set yourself up for the mishaps by scheduling some self-care throughout the hustle and bustle.

Also please forgive yourself. I know you want to keep up with the ideal body image you have for yourself, but allow yourself a break from the internal judgement. You will eat today, probably one more slice of pie than you normally allow, and ya know what? It’s okay! Allow yourself to enjoy the food and the dessert, and keep the negative self-talk to a minimum if possible. It will be there waiting for you again tomorrow if you miss it that much. Have a meeting with a close friend who makes you feel good, or a therapy appointment lined up as part of your de-stressing from the holiday craziness.

Two- Stick to your routine as much as possible 🍁

Part of why the holidays can be so uprooting is because we are literally abandoning our routine. The fact that you aren’t going to work may feel like a plus, but it may also mean your morning routine that grounds you also goes out the window. If you need movement to start your day, keep that as a plan for the mornings despite where you are. For workout classes Youtube is your friend! Also it may be a great way to check out new or old surroundings by taking a long morning walk. Additionally, if you know you need specific nutrients in the mornings to feel your best, prepare to have them with you or communicate to your hosts that you need almond milk for your coffee if that’s your jam. And don’t forget your vitamins!

Three: Quiet time/Alone time 🍁

Quiet time/alone time is sooooooo important during the holidays. It can be so overwhelming to talk all day and to cater to other’s needs. Make sure you give yourself breaks frequently. Take time outs during the gatherings for air. Going for short walks, finding a quiet room in the house, or offering to run the errands to get more whip cream can offer a bit of well needed reprieve from the chatter. Where you choose to stay during your travels also can really help to set you up for success. If you know your family’s house is overran with kids, or that most family members are staying at a certain place, perhaps choosing a sleepy hotel in town will give you the space to get some down time before and after the big event (just make sure to get a ride to and from if you plan to indulge in the wine -which also can be helpful in staying sane). If you are hosting, have a space in your house that is yours and only yours- and use it! It’s okay to take some time for yourself, and its completely okay to ask for what you need!

Four: Connect with nature 🍁

Going for a hike/walk outside can be the thing that saves you in these events. Being outdoors has a way of calming our mind and literally reducing the production of stress hormones. Allow yourself some space to be present with the colors of the trees. Breathe in the cool fresh air and notice if there are any scents outside in your environment. Let your eyes rest on something you like. Notice everything about it and take a second to notice how connecting with this visually impacts your body. Be present with any sounds around you: birds chirping, rustling leaves, the crunch of snow. And notice anything you can feel like the warmth of your coat, the grounding force of your feet on the earth, the breeze on your skin. All this connecting will bring you back to the present moment and melt some stress away. Even just a quick five minutes outside will help to ground you. Check in with yourself as you take these precious moments.

Another way to connect with nature during an event is to spend some time with animals! The one guest there that will definitely not be judging your choice in partner or career is the dog scavenging for food under the table. Pets can offer a perfect social distraction and can ease anxiety and increase positive feelings just through petting them. Give the pup some love and see how it impacts your mood.

Five: Be present 🍁

Remember the reason you are there and connect with that intention. Its so easy to be sidetracked during family events thinking about what’s coming next, what needs to still be done, and how to put out any fires from the mishaps of the day. There really is so much to do that sometimes it can feel like a complete blur and before you know it you have missed the whole day and are just exhausted. Set intentions at the beginning of the day that help to keep you connected and in the present moment. Take time to slow down. Take deep breaths frequently. Take a look around the room and notice the things you appreciate about everyone there, Yes- even your annoying cousin. Check in with your body and let it tell you what it needs. Are you hungry, are you too full, thirsty, anxious, tense, happy? These frequent check ins allow you to give yourself what you need to be in the moment and enjoying the day.

Also do yourself and everyone else a favor and don’t get blasted to get through the awkward moments. As an introvert, I understand the power of liquid courage at events and gatherings, but there is a balance you can find where you can still be present and also enjoy a little holiday cheer. Try having a glass of water with each beer/wine/drink you have to give yourself more time to check in and know what you need. Otherwise have fun!!

Be forgiving of yourself throughout this holiday season and allow your instincts to guide you through the day. Learn to listen to yourself and allow yourself a little self-love and a little acceptance from the love of others. Remember no one is perfect, and thank goodness for that- how boring would life be if it all went according to plan. Also remember that accepting help is okay, and remember you have a plan for the mishaps! Allow yourself some grace and for goodness sake have some fun!

Happy holidays friends! Wishing you sanity, presence, peace, and joy this holiday season!