One thing is for sure in life, things are gonna change. It does not mean, however that when the change does occur, it is an easy thing to adapt to. Transitions are a tough thing to navigate at any stage in life and most of the time, these shifts tend to bring all our unresolved shit up. Suddenly you are not only addressing the details of your breakup, or move, or shift in career, but you are stuck in the self-doubt spiral which has a tendency to take over our lives.
Feeling lost and out of control are the hallmarks of change. We build up all this anticipation for taking the leap into the next step and once we rip off that bandaid, there tends to be feelings of guilt and loss. Even if we are moving in a positive direction, the space to grieve what we are letting go of is so appropriate and necessary.
So many of my clients begin therapy to find out how to cope with the loss of their past life. I’ll give you a small hint- distraction typically does not do the trick. A key part of the healing is acknowledgement. The feelings of sadness, and frustration, and total confusion needs to be sat with for growth to happen. Just willing it away does not make your feelings disappear. It will appear later in life and hit you between the eyes when you least expect it, or get played out in your next relationship.
Throughout my work as a therapist and my own life experience, these are the things I have found helpful when processing change and transition:
Finding a good therapist
Remembering the past
Doing what you are passionate about
Finding your natural supports
Getting outside and appreciating nature
Spending some time with a non-human companion
See if these helpful tips may change your experience of change.
1. Find a good therapist!!
I can’t stress this enough.
Sure, your friends get it and want to help, but do they challenge you to sit with the emotions of discomfort? Do they help you make connections to the past and bring to light your patterns that keep you stuck? Do they know how to set boundaries in a way that is compassionate and helpful to the relationship? Typically this is not the case with our friends- and these key skills are the reason to process this loss in therapy and not on your bestie’s futon.
Remember, you have every right to feel seen and heard and a moment of change is the best time to invest in your mental health to set the next chapter of your life up for success.
It’s time to heal.
2. Remember
This phase is about when you feel ready. No one will know when the time for this step is aside from you, take all the time you need. It helps to have a therapist in place before this step.
When you are ready, bring to light all the positive aspects of the life you are leaving behind, and express gratitude. Honoring where we are coming from allows a little more light into the future we are moving toward. One of the ways to do this is to take an evening to go through all the pictures, sentiments, and tangible memories you have collected of the stage you are leaving behind. Sit with them, holding them in your hands, and give yourself time to appreciate and grieve. Keep a journal nearby to express the emotions and thoughts that arise. Now think back to the hard times. Take a moment of reflection to notice what you have overcome. Write down the lessons that phase of life has brought you and give yourself some grace.
You are a badass for getting through to the other side. Sit with that affirmation.
3. Do what you love
Take some time to steep yourself in passion.
What lights you up? What is one thing you could do daily that you would never get sick of? Make space for that- even if it is five minutes. Transitions are so tough, we need to allow moments in our days to break the thought spirals of overthinking and leave space for joy. If you can do what you love in a group activity you get bonus points. Joining a book club, a running group, or volunteering for a positive cause that aligns with your values is such a wonderful way to expand your gifts and connect with like-minded people and can increase that support network that gets you through this. Checking out local community centers or community boards in your local coffee shops can be some good inspiration to find a class or gathering to challenge yourself.
Write down your experience after you give it a try to process what it brought up.
4. Find your natural support
Healthy friends and family are in your life for a reason.They care more than you may know. Let them!!
Sometimes change and life transitions can be difficult to talk about with our loved ones because we are judging ourselves enough already that we don’t have space for the possibility of more judgement. But perhaps the one you actually open up to has been through something similar and can have some words of wisdom or simply a moment of connection that is needed.
Imagine what it would feel like to have someone tell you- “I’m here for you and I know it hurts”.
5. Get outside/Appreciate the natural wonders of the outdoors
Take some space from your current environment.
Allow yourself the time for a walk, a hike, or to read a book on a park bench or the beach away from other people. If you are sick, quarantining yourself, or needing to stay at home, watching nature documentaries that highlight nature’s beauty can be a great alternative with similar benefits. Gardening and taking care of houseplants offers a calming effect on our minds and bodies. Also sitting in a place where you can see nature from your window and noticing all the colors you see, or feeling the breeze coming through the curtains can make a marked difference in our nervous system. Nature’s soothing rhythm and principals of balance offer clarity and comfort and can quiet the chatter of our minds.
Nature is the ultimate guide for how to survive change. The constant change in the natural environment and the shift in seasons are a perfect reflection and metaphor for a life in transition. Allow yourself this time to reflect in it’s presence.
6. Spend some time with a non-human companion
Your pets are the most empathetic creatures.
They can offer comfort just by standing next to you or offering a cuddle on the couch. Utilize them! Being in the presence of animals increases the release of oxytocin- also known as the feel-good cuddle hormone. It increases bonding and comfort and gives a feeling of being loved. If you don’t have an animal in your home, volunteer at the SPCA, local shelter, or humane society. I can’t think of a better afternoon to help calm feelings of sadness than petting kittens all day. Even hiring a friend’s pet for the day or offering to petsit can be a great option to get some animal love.
Adjustment takes time.
Your experience of pain is valid and justified. Your self-doubt and grief can get better, and you can come out the other side of this as a complete person who knows who they are and where they are going. Change is necessary to help us grow.
You don’t have to feel lost on your own.
Reach out to WildSense today to start the process of getting back to you and honoring where you came from.